


The Dawn Comes Up Like Thunder

by Rye_Lyn, Zouzou



Category: Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/F, Jealousy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2017-12-05 04:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/719128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rye_Lyn/pseuds/Rye_Lyn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zouzou/pseuds/Zouzou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Has anyone ever made you jealous?" Will asked her once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dawn Comes Up Like Thunder

**Author's Note:**

> This is a translation... It was originally written by my friend **Zouzou** in Chinese, I read it and liked it very much so I decided to translate it into English. I was very nervous about my middle school level English, thanks to dear **schwarmerei1** , she is the best beta-reader ever for correcting _all_ my silly verb tense and preposition mistakes (God those are tricky, aren't they!)  
>  This is my first translation work, I've tried but I'm not sure if I managed to convey the story fully. If you find it cheesy, believe me that's because of my poor English and it is way more beautiful in the original version. :P  
> Besides, tomorrow is **Zouzou** 's birthday, so this is sort of a gift, happy birthday girl!

 

"Where were you last night?" Kalinda asked absently.

Tequila burned Alicia's lip.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Alicia. Your cellphone was off, you’re still wearing yesterday's suit. You didn’t even manage to get home and change clothes in the morning. You’re really into this guy, huh? Who is he?"

"God, you are good. Except…it's her." She won the game this time. Kalinda's face stilled for a second. That meant she was surprised, Alicia knew that.

"Who is she?"

"Mabel."

"Oh, the youngest female boss of a Chicago law firm."  

"And the most beautiful one."

"I'll withhold my judgment on that."

"Oh come on, don't be mean, Kalinda, can't you just admit my girlfriend is gorgeous? With that brown hair and those eyes..."

"Your girlfriend?" Kalinda interrupted her.

"Well, not yet exactly, but I really like being with her. I like the feeling of security around her, it makes me feel so relaxed, you know, there's no need to please her, she just considers everything..."

"Do you need me to look into her?" It seemed that Kalinda wasn’t going to let Alicia finish any sentence tonight.

"Kalinda! It's not like we're getting married."

"Loyalty, loyalty. Isn't that the most important thing for Alicia?"

"That was the Alicia who was stuck in her marriage, this is the Alicia who just wants to have some fun."

"Have some fun with Mabel?"

"She does have a really nice roof garden."

"A bottle of fine wine, a couple of jokes, you were amused. Then you stood at the balcony staring at the starry night -- that was when she held you from behind, right?"

"You've been there too?" Alicia looked at her, with a note of challenge in her eyes.

"That's a cliché for rich women with a nice roof garden."

"So help me, Kalinda.

"I'll look into her."

"That's not what I mean. I don't care if there are other people, I want to become the only one, help me with that."

"You really are the new Alicia."

"Hey, I thought you wouldn't judge me. I told you my true feelings because you are the only one who won't throw judgment at me."

"I'm not judging you, Alicia. I'm worried about you."

"So help me."

The bartender poured the next round of tequila, suddenly Kalinda lost her focus -- it was like she looked through her.

"Okay."

Alicia smirked. "Thanks. Are you really not going to ask me why I suddenly became gay?"

"Everything you want to be you is you. I told you."

"But why in the hell did Mabel ask me? I mean, there are all these young girls throwing themselves at her."

Kalinda turned her head, looked directly into Alicia's eyes for the first time of the night, she said every word slowly, "Alicia, you are an expert in underrating yourself."

 

Kalinda went home, threw her coat on the floor, her BlackBerry and orange note book dropped out of the pocket. She cursed quietly, then climbed into bed. The windows were open, but it still felt difficult to breathe, her cheeks felt icy cold. She grabbed the sheets and wiped her tears -- tears that meant nothing.

_Kalinda Sharma, what were you thinking?_

Yes, she had fantasies about Alicia, especially after knowing that she was divorced. She had imagined they would sit across the desk, Alicia would ask for the documents needed in court, she would take Alicia’s hand and say, _damn it, all I want is you_. She had imagined, under the dim light of a bar, Alicia would look at her with tipsy eyes, that would be when she leaned in and kissed her, she would whisper in her ear, _I want you_. She had imagined, Alicia would push in her door and say, _I want you._ They would do it by the window, yeah, her window where they could hear all the chaos of Chicago night, they would do it until the dawn came up like thunder. 

She had never fantasied about anyone else before. If she couldn’t have someone in three days, she would never think of her or him again. She hated fantasies -- they slowed down one’s actions. Every time Alicia looked at her with those shining eyes, it was impossible for her to say a damn word without feeling dizzy. _No need for another mess, just move on,_ she told herself. She could easily walk into any bar to find plenty of blonde chicks staring her with seductive eyes. There was a list of numbers she’d never called in her orange notebook. Just stop this.

As long as she could see her at work; as long as she could protect her when she was in danger. That would be enough.

But tonight...it was too difficult. So difficult that she didn't even have the energy and will to pick up her BlackBerry from the floor, to call someone to come to her bed, to allow her to fall into pure passion, to forget all of this.

"Has anyone ever made you jealous?" Will asked her once. She had no idea what that felt like, it sounded ridiculous to her. Only humans found it natural to think they could own somebody entirely. _I really like being with Mabel. I like the feeling of security around her._ Alicia's words haunted her head. She wasn’t even entered to participate in this competition. Tears welled in her eyes again -- she didn't wipe them this time.

 

It had been two hours since she’d parked near Mabel's house, she was still in the car. _Only for a friend, the last time,_ she assured herself one more time. Deep in her heart there was a tiny part of her that wanted to take a clear picture of Mabel kissing someone else. Then she could throw that picture on Alicia's desk and tell her: see, she doesn't deserve you, stop being with her. _Be with me._ Maybe she would even say that. Fantasies weren't always bad. She chuckled, amused by herself.

Mabel's assistant walked out, she was wearing sunglasses despite the rainy dusk. Kalinda could guess what had happened behind the door from the woman’s unsteady steps. Suddenly she had an impulse to give her a ride. She started the engine with trembling hands before that crazy idea consumed her.

She found herself in Alicia's office the next day.

"She broke up with her assistant. She is serious about you."

"You looked into her anyway? Kalinda?"

"I have to make sure you're not going to get hurt. This is easy for me, but it matters for you."

"Kalinda, Mabel told me that."

"Oh. Of course she would tell you she dumped her girlfriend. Why did I even bother?"

Kalinda turned away, Alicia stopped her.

"Don't be like this, Kalinda. I appreciate it, it was sweet you did it for me. I'm just tired, I just don't care whether she has other people. Life is short. You’re the one taught me that."

"I wish I hadn't."

"Yeah, you’re responsible for making me a bad girl."

"How do I keep up my responsibility?" She regretted the second she said it, why did she do this to herself, why did she play this game again? It only made her suffer the nightmare of more fantasy.

"I'd say some tequila shots for instance."

"On those nights you are not with Mabel?"

"Oh come on, you almost made me believe you are jealous of Mabel."

"I am."

"Kalinda, are you sure you know what jealousy is exactly?"

"What makes you think I don't?"

Alicia looked down, she didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"It's more important to have drinks with you."

"And you'll disappear the second Mabel gives you a call, I don't need that."

"Nonsense."

"Alicia?"

"What?"

"Slow down."

"What do you mean?"

"Slow down with Mabel. The more effort you require from them, the more they'll treasure you. You know, women with ambition."

"Damn it. I was _this_ close to believe you are really jealous. Idiot." Alicia shook her head with a bitter smile. "Thanks for the suggestion. Sounds great."

She didn't have drinks with Alicia during the next weeks. She didn't want to be alone with her. Even at work she avoided being in Alicia's office. Every time she saw Alicia's beautiful smile she couldn't help calculating how much of the happiness was due to Mabel.

 

Suddenly, life was the same as her first days in Chicago. It was easy and natural to open the orange notebook, find a number, make a call. As soon as they got in the room, she would push her to the bed without a word. But things always went wrong, she didn't even realise she had called the same number three times until that girl said "I love you" to her. She didn't even know her name was Rita until that moment. That was when she realized what a mess she had been turning her life into.

After sending Rita home, she sat alone in her car, resting her head on the wheel, feeling exhausted. Her BlackBerry was vibrating, it was Alicia. Suddenly furious, she pressed the ignore button without thinking.

She drove home right away.

A knock at the door startled her in the middle of the night. She ran through every possibility until she saw Alicia from the peephole.

"Why didn’t you answer my call?" Alicia pushed her way in the door as soon as it was opened.

"I... I thought you dialed accidentally while you were making out with Mabel." How did these words even escape from her lips?

It made Alicia even more furious. "That's the only excuse you can come up with?"

"Not good enough?" She’d had a little more scotch than usual, her head was throbbing. It was hard to control herself, feeling this numb, so she decided to let loose a little. 

"Have you been drinking?" 

"Yup." 

"Kalinda, you said you were busy every time I asked you to a bar, and you get drunk by yourself? What is happening? I don't want to lose you as a friend, tell me what is happening." 

"I don't want to get in the way."

"In the way of what?"

"How are you guys doing? She slept with someone else? Why are you here?"

"We’re good, thanks for asking. You haven't kept your word though, I wanted to ask for your opinion when Mabel asked me to be her girlfriend, but I couldn't find you anywhere." 

"What does it have to do with me?" Kalinda heard herself groaning these words in a hoarse voice, feeling unsteady. Alicia was right there standing by the window -- just as she had once imagined, wearing her scarf, with the winter night chill still around her. Kalinda couldn't help but step forward, murmuring words she didn't understand herself, and kissed Alicia with the last of her strength.

Alicia didn't push her away, which made her even more confused. Kalinda held Alicia's waist clumsily, maybe just because she needed some support to keep her steady. Then she realised it was Alicia who was leading the kiss, from lips to ear, then to neck. She felt she was collapsing like feathers. This was what she had never imagined. Her gown was untied by the other woman, those hands slipped in. Kalinda felt nothing left in her body. She didn't close her eyes, she wanted to remember everything. Alicia's perfume was familiar, yet so different in the darkness of the night, her palm was dry and soft, a few fine hairs were stuck to her sweaty forehead. 

Maybe, this would be the only time, in the chaos of the Chicago night, that she would hear Alicia moaning her name. 

The next morning, curled up under the sheets, both were silent. For the first time in her entire life, Kalinda was the one who couldn't stand the silence. 

"I'm sorry. Forget about it." 

Alicia said nothing. She slipped out of the bed, picked up her clothes from the floor, and put them on piece by piece.

"Alicia." 

Alicia gave her an icy glance. "You always push me at someone else." 

She closed the door behind her.

 

Kalinda had been waiting against Alicia's car for a long time. She stood up straight the moment she heard steps. Alicia opened the door and got in the car as if she hadn't seen Kalinda. Kalinda sighed and let herself in. 

"Alicia, I... I'm not... You know, Will or Mabel or someone else, they all..."

"Yeah, they all have more money than you do."

Kalinda chuckled bitterly. "I've never imagined... you and me."

"Never imagined? That’s not what I saw last night."

"I..."

"Kalinda, you were here waiting for me, you got into my car, and you still won't tell me anything."

"I can't ask you to leave Mabel."

"Why is that?"

"I can't give you what you want."

"And what do I want?"

"Those things you once said, the roof garden, and the sense of security."

"You know what, Kalinda, that evening on Mabel's roof garden, all I was talking about was you. I couldn't stop telling the story about how you made up that Lockhart/Gardener tradition and made me take the first shot of tequila. She said I talked too much about you, I said no. That was when she kissed me."

The picture of Mabel kissing Alicia flashed in Kalinda's mind. Her heart ached. She closed her eyes.

Alicia went on, "She kissed me, asked me if that kiss would make me stop talking about you. Damn it, I couldn't believe I said no."

"You two..."

Alicia turned her head, "We broke up. Are you going to stop pushing me towards her?"

"I'm an idiot, right?"

"You are."

"Do I still have a chance?"

"I don't know."

"That means I still have a chance."

Kalinda took Alicia's hand tentatively, all the confessions she had imagined flowed through her head, she was not aware when the words actually escaped her lips:

"Don't be with anyone else. Be with me."


End file.
